Typos, year in and year out

Perhaps all the other Diaries have been sold and Now there's only one Available.

Sorry, Avalible.

World Teachers' Day

If you can read this, thank a Techear.

Poor cakes

The pie, the pasty and the sandwich all have something to show for their efforts, although it's far from clear exactly what it is they own.

It's a different story for the poor old cakes. They have nothing.

Completely Dottie

I agree with Jon C.

I think it's reasonable to expect that someone who claims to have spent over 25 years carefully dotting her 'i's and crossing her 't's should be more than capable of checking her newspaper ad in the Palo Alto Daily Post equally carefully before it went to print.

Bested

On a large billboard, the University of South Dakota proves it's the best.

The best at what, exactly?

Apparently, Tena Haraldson, Director of marketing communications and media relations for the university is quoted as saying, 'It happens.'

Though I suspect that's not quite what she said.

It's a gift

Jon C suggests that the BBC should take the advice of one of Harry Enfield's characters.

You don't wanna do it like that.

Hail the fail

You've surely noticed the increasing number of Uber taxis around our towns and cities.

But, as the BBC is inclined to say, other taxi services are available.

One of them, Hailo, is much smaller than Uber and is trying desperately to win market share, particularly in London.

Unfortunately, Hailo's campaign slogan 'London. We're all over it', due to one of those pesky apostrophe catastrophes, is already showing signs of defeatism.

Photo: Gwen Wark/Facebook

Be prepared

Thanks to Trev L for finding this at apostrophecatastrophes.com

Like a good Scout, you should always Be Prepared.

Just in case you turn up to work at Walmart and they ask you to produce a poster.

Laughing stock

The laugh's on Asda as Katy L discovers this t-shirt for sale in the George section.

As people of a certain age will already have said to themselves in Joyce Grenfell's voice,

'George, don't do that.'

Lyfting standards

I can understand it - just about - when people confuse your and you're.

(Just a reminder: It's the difference between knowing your sh-t and knowing you're sh-t.)

But what I, and Jon C I think, find particularly infuriating is the inconsistency shown by some people.

Shame, because Lyft seems like a really good idea.

Butt out

As the pot said to the kettle.

Go for the Burn

Whoever puts the Apple calendar together needs to go.

If not to the Job Centre then at least to a lesson on Scottish Literature.

Unless it's a painful reminder of the time they got too close to the scalding, gushing entrails at the crucial 'An' cut ye up wi' ready slicht' moment.

New Year's Resolution: Whats Your's?

Unfortunately, IQ pays little heed to grammar-bility.

Giving thanks

There's no need to give thanks this year because Thank itself is doing the giving.

Or maybe Thank owns a giving.

Either way, we're being warned in plenty of time.

Those dates correspond to Thanksgiving 2016.

Be wear

Thanks, Dennis A, for this one.

There's some debate about whether the caption is, in fact, intentional or a typo.

Either we are Number 1 in which case we're definitely not as far as apostrophe placement is concerned.

Or we were Number 1, in which case we might have been at one time but we're certainly not now.

Either way, it's not particularly good news for the UK.

As for the hoodie, where would we wear it?

Well, we're wearing it on the weir now but where were we when we were wearing it where we were then?

In the warehouse. Which, if there's any justice, is to where these were wares which we were wearing would wend their weary way.

On the menu

Thanks to Trev L for this apostrawful menu.

Actually, there is a case for the defence here.

The apostrophe in pud's could represent a missing i so that it reads Giant Yorkshire pud is served with.

Each apostrophe in potato's could represent the missing e.

And the apostrophe in burger's could also represent a missing i so that it reads Suicide burger is well done.

A case. But a tiny case.

In fact, only small potato's.

Eye test

Thanks to Elf Odin (@ElfOdin) for this poster which he spotted at Wilmot Mountain Flea Market in Wisconsin.

It really makes my skin crawl and I can hardly bring myself to look at it.

Maybe through a pair of those 'Premium' $3.33 Readers it would look OK.

Private body parts

Thanks to Clarke V of New Zealand who took this photo of a butcher's shop in Woombye, Queensland, Australia.

It's not just the incorrect plural and unnecessary apostrophe that annoy him.

As a vegan, he says this is just wrong in every way possible.

It makes you wonder if the horrors that lie behind that door match those of the signage.

Sur-pricing punctuation

I'm kicking myself because I put this image to one side this time last year and completely forgot about it until today.

I think it's probably taken from one of those annoying unsolicited emails I keep receiving. But, if you sent me it, I'm sorry. I simply can't remember where it came from.

Anyway, here are some examples of awful punctuation that you will find on our website...

Oh well.

At least my forgetfulness may save the site designers a bucketful of embarrassment.

Grammatical rules for writers

With time to kill during the holidays, you might like to brush up on your writing skills.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.

Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

Be more or less specific.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

No sentence fragments.

Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

One should never generalise.

Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

Don't use no double negatives.

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

The passive voice is to be ignored.

Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

Kill all exclamation marks!!!

Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forward earth-shattering ideas.

Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.'

If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

Puns are for children, not groan readers.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Writeres should always chekc thier speling.

Apostrophes' in the wrong place's annoy your reader's.

Keep your writings concise and to-the-point. I mean, you shouldn't ramble. It's really annoying. Really, nobody likes someone who goes on and on, paragraph after paragraph, and never seems to get to the point.