Monday, 30 January 2012

Shcool X-ng

Outside one of those places where we teahc our hcildren how to spell.

There are claims that the error has been there for months so I thought it would be worth hcecking.

Sure enough, here's a screen shot which I took directly from Google Maps. You can see it yourself if you search for Marta Valle High School at 145 Stanton Street, Manhattan, NY 10002.


I don't know how often Google updates the images but it certainly confirms that the error has been around for quite some time. There are leaves on the trees which suggests that the offending sign has been there since at least last summer, if not the summer before.

Anyway, just my twopennyworth but shouldn't that be X-ING rather than X-NG?

No one seems to have noticed that.

Friday, 27 January 2012

The drums don't work

I know a few drummers. Perhaps I should just leave this here and quietly walk away.


On second thoughts: confirmation.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Trigger happy

Published on the Duluth News Tribune website a couple of weeks ago.


I wonder if they searched her anywhere else for more fun?

Monday, 23 January 2012

BBC News sucks

Thanks to Jon C for sending this one in.


He found it on twitpic posted by @WillardFoxton who tweeted later:

It is real btw - the two words crossed over as a running graphic & said "Jobs blow".. no-one thought it through.

Hmm. I bet someone had.

Friday, 20 January 2012

Whatever the whether

Spotted on the University of London website just the other day.


I wonder wheather the University runs a short course in proofreading or spelling?

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

What the British say and what they mean

Spotted this on twitter the other day posted by @suzanne_moore.


I think it's very good.

Which means I think it's very good.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Notice anything wrong?

John H was minding his own business in North London when he came across this apology for a notice.


Planted up with new plants. A bit clumsy.

Followed by one sentence when there should be two. Even more clumsy.

Seems to me that they should apologies for the sign as well as for any inconvenience.

Friday, 13 January 2012

Wire you contacting me, Paul?

From: "Paul King" <paul@wiredcontact.co.uk>

Date: 8 December 2011 13:46:20 GMT
Subject: Update

Update to what, exactly? I've never been in touch with you before and vice versa.

Hi

See? You don't even know my name. And not knowing it precludes you from being so familiar.

However, even though you can't be bothered to research your target customers, I always find out as much as I can about potential partners.

Paul King on LinkedIn

I realised we hadn't been in touch for ages and hope you are doing well and prospering.

As I said, we haven't been in touch before. Ever. So, not exactly a realisation on your part. More an indisputable fact.

And forgive my cynicism but I suspect that you want me to be prospering purely so you can profit from it.

Let's hope we do not get snowed in this year although we can all work from home now if needed, in fact from anywhere, have a look at this http:/demos.wiredcontact.com/ or call me.

Paul, please can we have some understanding of what sentences are and how important punctuation is? You're supposed to be communicating but what you're writing is just nonsense.

We can all work from home, can we? Are you sure? All of us?

What about Miners? Lumberjacks? Snowplough drivers even, since you brought up the subject?

Ah, I see. You mean tossers people like you, don't you.

Anyway, I did as you asked and clicked on the link. This is what came up...

Welcome to the WiredContact Enterprise Demo Site!
WiredContact Enterprise is one of the most powerful, yet easy to use web-based CRM's available today.
As you take your tour, please note the views, navigation, functionality and look and feel can be customized for your specific CRM needs.

A tad presumptuous of you, thinking I know what a CRM is. What I do know, however, is that the plural of CRM is CRMs.

Customized? No, no. Not in the UK.

Remember the saying "if you are not telling you are not selling" well it's probably never more true than now, so if you do not have a system that stores all of your suspects, prospects and customers and lets you email and write to them then perhaps we can help.

So, no chance of some proper punctuation and sentences then?

And wait a minute. Is this so-called saying written anywhere reputable? Or does it exist solely in one of your tired old PowerPoint presentations?

Also, I know what prospects and customers are. But suspects? Excuse me but my target market does not include criminals.

Finally, I take it that this message from you has been generated by your 'system'. Works well, doesn't it.

We provide browser based administration and marketing solutions that can help get that elusive cash in have a look here http://www.wiredcontact.co.uk/

I'm not going to tell you again about your lack of punctuation.

By 'help get that...cash in' I assume you mean cash for you. Because the best way of getting cash in, as far as my business is concerned, is to provide high quality, good value services and products that my customers enjoy, buy again and tell others about.

Let me know what's happening with you.

Er, right. I have a healthy order book. My customers are happy. There's more work on the horizon. And I'm pretty confident that I'll still be in business this time next year.

Oh, and I'm not planning on sending out badly written, clearly unchecked, emails to random people using a shotgun approach in the forlorn hope that one might hit some idiot who is witless enough to respond.

You?

Kind regards

Paul King
WiredContact
Web and Wireless Solutions for Contact Management

Phone: 0208 099 3032

To unsubscribe from emails sent by WiredContact in future, please either click the link below or copy the link and enter it in the web address box of a web browser and navigate to the web address:


Well I would unsubscribe, but reading your messages provides me with so much entertainment.

Please keep 'em coming.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Not-so-funny typo blamed for jet's botched take-off

As reported by Andrew Heasley in The Sunday Age, a pilot's typing mistake on a computer was central to a botched take-off that saw a plane scrape along the tarmac, smashing runway lights and navigation equipment.

The Emirates Airbus A340, which was bound for Dubai with 257 passengers and 18 crew, struggled to make it into the air on the evening of March 20, 2009.

No one was injured, but the jet's tail assembly was extensively damaged.


During pre-flight calculations, the co-pilot entered a wrong number in a laptop: 262.9 tonnes for the aircraft's weight, instead of the correct weight of 362.9 tonnes.

That incorrect figure was, in turn, used to program engine thrust settings and flap positions for take-off which meant that the engines were programmed for only enough thrust for a much lighter aircraft and the flaps weren't set correctly.

The result was that as the Airbus gathered speed down the runway, it was not moving nearly fast enough to generate enough lift under the wings.

The plane scraped its tail along the end of the tarmac, then along the grass past the end of the runway, before clobbering runway lights and navigation antennae and finally lurching into the air.

And you thought everything was done automatically.

Me two three too.

Monday, 9 January 2012

Present and incorrect

A Chinese fortune cookie saying posted on Facebook last month by Dan Wilbur.


Works for me whichever way you read it.

Friday, 6 January 2012

New Year, new job?


Check your CV carefully before you submit it. Then check it again.

Then get someone else to check it. Then check it again.

Here are some examples of typos Max Messmer has found in job applications in recent years.

Mr Messmer is Chairman and CEO of Robert Half and Author of Job Hunting For Dummies.

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS:
I have always been complimented for having a friendly misdemeanor.

TECHNICAL SKILLS:
Trouble shouting.

EDUCATION:
Graduating with dueling degrees.

WORK HISTORY:
My last job was an udder disaster.

EDUCATION:
Graduated in 007.

STRENGTHS:
Acurate tiping skils.

SKILLS:
Rebel in accepting exciting new challenges.

COVER LETTER:
I am quiet by nature and talkative.

SKILLS:
Typing, data entry, data entry.

Do you have any more you'd like to share?

Oh, and good luck securing that new jib.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Wherefore art thou Romeo, and not Anthony?

A huge billboard spotted recently in Echo Park, Los Angeles.


Shame the typo wasn't anticiapted to the same extent.

Monday, 2 January 2012

Letter from Lagos


John H sent the following email to me at peter (at) mytypohumour (dotcom)

Apparently I have a big payout waiting for me. And before I send off my PIN, card details, and the birth certificate of my first born, here are some highlights from an email I had from a very nice Nigerian lady who, although she appears to be a humble cleaner, is charged with distributing the wealth.

SUBJECT Attn: Beneficiary, Your $1.5 Million Dollars Compensation

Attn: Beneficiary,

I am Mrs. Farida Waziri the charlady of ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION (EFCC).EFCC in alliance with economic community of West African states (ECOWAS)with the head office here in Nigeria. We have been working towards the eradication of fraudsters and scam artists in western part of Africa with the help of the United States government and the united Nation.

We have been able to recover so much money from these scam artists. The United Nation Anti-Crime commission and the united state Government has ordered the money recovered from the scammers to be shared among 100 lucky people around the global.

Best Regard, 
Mrs. Farida Waziri 
CHAIRMAN ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION 
(EFCC) FOREIGN OPERATIONS DEPT, LAGOS-NIGERIA.


Wait. She's been promoted. Far the char becomes Farida the leader. (And undergone a sex change.)

Note: that if no seriousness is seen in you. We have no choice to other than to cancel your fund. We have no time to waste in this transaction any more.

And it will only cost me £250.

Bargain.

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