Grammatical rules for writers

With time to kill during the holidays, you might like to brush up on your writing skills.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Avoid cliches like the plague. They're old hat.

Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

Be more or less specific.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

No sentence fragments.

Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

One should never generalise.

Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

Don't use no double negatives.

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

The passive voice is to be ignored.

Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

Kill all exclamation marks!!!

Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forward earth-shattering ideas.

Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.'

If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

Puns are for children, not groan readers.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Writeres should always chekc thier speling.

Apostrophes' in the wrong place's annoy your reader's.

Keep your writings concise and to-the-point. I mean, you shouldn't ramble. It's really annoying. Really, nobody likes someone who goes on and on, paragraph after paragraph, and never seems to get to the point.