Had an accident?

Call 0800 800 8000 now and try explaining exactly how it happened.

Bush tucker

Jon C tells me that the owners of Super Pizza in Southend-on-Sea have been left with eggplant on their faces after offering a unique Vegetarian Deluxe Pizza.

© Martin Rose

I see it contains more than one.

So it's got to be at least an 18 incher.

Go for the Burn

Whoever puts the Apple calendar together needs to go.

If not to the Job Centre then at least to a lesson on Scottish Literature.

Unless it's a painful reminder of the time they got too close to the scalding, gushing entrails at the crucial 'An' cut ye up wi' ready slicht' moment.

Pardon my French

Sacré Bleu!

Perhaps it's a local delicacy.

Giving 120%

Forgive me for blowing my own trumpet but here is the result of a test I attempted on Facebook the other week.

17 out of 14.

That has to be a personal best.

Deputy Dawg

According to the rugmakers employed by Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, our favourite Deputy is still working in Florida.

Dagnabit.

Access denied

We're all used to niche marketing these days.

But I can't help feeling that this particular target market is just a little too specific.

Perhaps the sign was pinned up by cleaning staff looking for an easier life.

Exercise books

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.

Ah yes. An excellent analogy.

And, you would think, a particularly apt slogan to put on the side of a mobile library, as reported in the Somerset County Gazette.

Robert Colledge

If only the people responsible had the ability to read themselves.

Robert Colledge

Priest hole

Sheltering no less than 25 of them.

Well, I have heard that such work can be exhausting.

Stimulator simulator

Tom L quite fancied downloading this game until he saw the strapline.

So that's what real Subway Drivers are doing in their cosy little cabs.

And all in glorious 3D.

Airstrip One

Greg L has established a Gregorian Paradox in that seeing a sign in the airport using quotation marks like this makes him feel decidedly less secure.

Durga Mata

Thanks to football fan Ann F for this one.

I guess Juan Mata, the midfielder who plays for Manchester United,  should be relatively happy with the nickname the NBC subtitles department has given him.

He could have been Mary Jane.

At least NBC was right on one count.

He was out on the grass.