Krampus comes but once a year

Trick or treat

Thanks to Jon C for sending in this article from the online version of The Daily Telegraph about the recent rise in so-called sextortion cases.

As the article says, these cases involve the intended victim being approached online by an attractive young woman who engages in explicit conversation until the victim is caught on camera performing a sex act.

According to The Telegraph, a treat is then in store.

Bizarre bazaar

Seems a little unfair as far as entertainment goes.

I'd have thought those kids already have enough to contend with.

Learn English

Or at least learn the English way: do as I say and not as I do.

A recent report has called on immigrants to improve their proficiency in English.

Sajid Javid, the Communities Secretary, released a statement welcoming the Casey Review into the integration of recent migrants which warned of the 'lower levels of English language proficiency' among some communities.

Typos, year in and year out

Perhaps all the other Diaries have been sold and Now there's only one Available.

Sorry, Avalible.

Analyze this

The South Florida Sun-Sentinel newspaper appears to have invented a new word.

It certainly provides an alternative approach to delving deeply into something.

U R now out of Europe

Since the eighties, the Erasmus Programme has provided foreign exchange options for students from within the European Union.

The marketing people have clearly been impressed with the church banners that read

CH__CH

What's missing?

UR

So much so that they decided to use the same idea with their posters.

You'd think that, after 30 years of working in Europe, they'd at least be able to spell it.

Somewhere to shout about

I hope the soundproofing is up to the job.

Leaning or lending?

With the Autumn Statement due later today, the BBC has me wondering whether the Chancellor is planning on lending a bit of cash to Teresa or whether he expects her to cough up a little extra.

England in disarray

According to Sky Sports, and courtesy of Angie J, there was a degree of upset in England after the recent football match against Spain.

Poopermarket jobs

It's not clear whether these would be your weekly toilet break allowances or the average number of that type of customer you might encounter each week.

World Teachers' Day

If you can read this, thank a Techear.

Typo detector

Just when you thought it was all over, this typo has me wondering whether 'multiple lie-dictator' might have been a good description of Hillary's style of presidency had she won.

It's all Greek to me

Manchester City Council.

How can you justify using public funds to pay the type of person who can come up with something as shoddy as this?

Hillary and I

Before it all ends with a bang tomorrow, here's one last presidential typo as it appears on voting papers issued by the Election Commission of Lonoke County, Arkansas.

One voter claims that the addition of the extra i was a deliberate attempt to brand her chosen candidate a liar once the latest news broke concerning Hillary's emails.

No-go area

It's not clear from this sign, photographed in Ireland by professional bodhrán player and percussionist Robbie Harris, whether the children are expected to play on the green area or perform the same function as the dogs.

@robbiebodhran

Remember, remember

The 5th of November.

Or should that be the 3th?

Picture: Silverfernz/Reddit

What a difference a d makes

We have Ann F to thank for sending this one in.

We're still not sure whether it was Mrs Delaney or Mrs Anderson who suffered.

Who put the crack in crackers?

Aldi did.

At least, a so-called Graphic Designer did, with the hare-brained idea of mixing capital and lower case letters within words.

It's believed that Rosemary wasn't too happy with her box on display like that.

F for spelling

New York City Department of Education.

Shame on you.

Driving ambition

Here in the UK we're desperately seeking unity after voting to leave the European Union.

Looks like the DVLA has found a way to achieve it.

Laura Linham

Six foot cocks

These were for sale on a market stall in Spain.

It's reassuring to know that they're comfortable.

Ge-ri, Ge-ri

Interesting to see Jeremy keeping in touch with his feminine side.

And with his Welsh ancestry.

Graminaceous Gary

Most of us are horrified at Donald Trump's attitude to women.

Gary Johnson, the US presidential candidate about whom you've heard nothing, is so horrified that he's all fingers and thumbs.

Green fingers and thumbs.

@pbump

Time to put him out to pasture.

Weather bombs

Apologies for my late arrival to the party, but I missed the chance of posting this last year.

It means there's some pretty crappy weather heading your way, folks.

Death by chocolate

Visiting a Co Cork restaurant last week, Trev L narrowly avoided a near-death experience.

I'm guessing it tastes heavenly.

O no

He looks so happy to have signed for his new football team.

And that's without the club even giving him an o as a welcome gift.

Hacked off

'Get yourself an internship at a newspaper,' they said. 'Get your Journalism career off to a great start,' they said.

So I did. And what did they have me doing? Typesetting the flipping ACC football results. Such a bore.

Well I showed 'em.

I showed 'em real good.

Poor cakes

The pie, the pasty and the sandwich all have something to show for their efforts, although it's far from clear exactly what it is they own.

It's a different story for the poor old cakes. They have nothing.

Hillary pilloried

It seems that someone at Hofstra University thought they'd try and pillory Hillary.

I have a strong feeling she'll get them back one day.

Shooting from the hip

In a recent football match against Huddersfield Town, Gill Swerts, a Notts County football player, was sent off, no doubt for some kind of foul on the field.

I don't think it was this foul though.

They say that your predictive text is based on your own personal typing history, so someone at Sky Sports has a little explaining to do.

Prudence required

If I'd received this email from The Times I'd consider it impersonal and rude, especially as it knows who I am through my membership number.

But when it's sent to a lovely older lady like Joan C, well it sounds downright patronising.

Would you like sugar with that, dear?

Multi-cultural cuisine

Well, I wasn't expecting that.

Nor was Liz who found it on the menu at the Canberra Hyatt one lunch time.

@lizfoschia

Special offer

Earlier this year the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel thought it would be a good idea to bring Flag Day to the attention of its users.

But not all of them were looking for this kind of hook up.

Whosayswedon'tneedproofreaders?

We're continuing our journey through California with Jon C by way of Stanford University's shuttle bus where this notice is very prominently, if not so proudly, displayed.

As soon as I saw it I started humming this tune in my head. Hope you enjoy the trip back to 1974.

Ram it, Ramit

Hi everyone. Back again after a short break. Thanks for still being here.

What we have today is the front cover of an advert sent by email to Jon C by a guy called Ramit Sethi who's trying to sell him a course on time management.

The message might have been more convincing had he managed to spell email correctly.

Missed opportunity

One of Edmonton's municipal development team may well now be looking for a better opportunity somewhere else.

@teej_85

That's Entertainment!

You can't beat it.

Actually, you can beat it.

Or so I'm told.

Tomato sorcery

You say tomato, I say... lemon.

Chicken Littles

Well, they do say that they taste just like chicken.

Corbyn reshuffle

Or y a particular Corbyn member moves further to the left.

@kayaburgess

Gun crime

Last Saturday's edition of the Glenwood Springs Post Independent newspaper couldn't have been more off target with its Opinion headline.

Jackie O

A neighbour was hoping to give Jackie Mabey a surprise for her 70th birthday with an announcement in her local newspaper, Southwark News.

But the surprise didn't quite go as planned.

SOUTHWARK NEWS/ISSUU

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.

Either way, Happy Birthday, Jackie.

School's out

Good advice.

Both to give and to take.