Bringing up the rear

Tom Heeney's first pledge to voters in Arlesey should have been to make sure he spelt the name of their town correctly.

Instead of implying that they live in a hole.

I wonder how he did in the election.

Bottom, perhaps?

Butting in

I'm sure those Spruce City boys didn't realise that they'd have to go through a bizarre initiation ceremony to get into the local softball team.

Although they do say, if you want to succeed at sport, you should start at the bottom.

Sur-pricing punctuation

I'm kicking myself because I put this image to one side this time last year and completely forgot about it until today.

I think it's probably taken from one of those annoying unsolicited emails I keep receiving. But, if you sent me it, I'm sorry. I simply can't remember where it came from.

Anyway, here are some examples of awful punctuation that you will find on our website...

Oh well.

At least my forgetfulness may save the site designers a bucketful of embarrassment.

Church notices

I'm doing my bit to make at least the start of your New Year a Happy one.

This holiday you might have found yourself, perhaps slightly inebriated, inside a church.

The following messages were all published in church magazines, notice boards, or in announcements during a service. It's not clear whether the authors were also under the influence at the time of writing.

The Fasting And Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off. Let the church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be auditions for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practise.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7pm there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held on Thursday at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS is finished.

The vicar would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet on Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

The Under 12s Drama Group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

The vicar unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Please note that the box at the back of the church marked 'For The Sick' is for financial contributions only.

Gardening tools

It all started innocently enough.

It was an invitation from the local Labour Teachta Dála to help look after a new community garden in Brookfield, Dublin.

But then the dreaded Typo Monster struck, causing a bit of a cock-up.

Unless it was some bold new recycling initiative for watering the plants.

Keeping abreast

The Massachusetts Republican Senator, Scott Brown, made a bit of a boob the other day in his re-election campaign.

In a flyer entitled A Strong Record On Women's Issues, Brown released an advert proclaiming that he supported women and women's issues.

He then posted from his personal Twitter account asking his backers to spread the word.

Looks like he's really got the hang of this Titter thing.

Neighbourhood watch

Are these people crazy?

As reported on Wednesday in the Sheepshead Bites blog, a flyer distributed by supporters of the Ben Akselrod Sheepshead Bay (Brooklyn, New York) district primary campaign contained this horrendous and embarrassing typo.

I cannot believe that this was not done deliberately. How could anyone not notice it?

I think there may be clues as to the author's lack of care in the rest of the flyer.

I see Mr Akselrod wants to 'creat' jobs.

Also, in and amongst the unnecessary capital letters in the quote, you'll see that he cares so little he can't even get the name of the district right.

It's Sheepshead, Ben. Not Sheephead.

I would imagine that quite a few people are calling you some other type of head right now.

Going under

Jon C has been patrolling the streets of Peterborough for us once again.

Unfortunately, after the refurb, they'll still have the flyer's writer working there.

And that writer will remain convinced that MS Word provides the perfect tool for creating flyers.

But, when you can be a perfect tool on your own, who needs Word?

The old firm

Another Peterborough classic brought to you courtesy of Jon C.

It may be hard to believe but John Lucas has been in business since 117 AD.

Considering that the first stone churches in the UK weren't built until about the mid 600s, one wonders what the company was doing during its first 500 years or so.

Probably waiting for the weather to clear.

Scarborough vacencies

Along with Peterborough, Scarborough is providing a rich source of typos at the moment.

You might need your diving suit in that Sea Front subway.

Flying in the face of flyers

This contradiction was captured in Glasgow University library by Tom L.

The No Flyers flyer is a flyer.

The No Flyers flyer is stuck to shelves packed with flyers.

As seen on TV

Some good examples of typos and funny ads from Jay Leno on NBC's The Tonight Show.

With a banjo on my knee

Remember this from 2008? Greg L's latest contribution is an oldie but definitely worth a mention.

For the record, the error was spotted by someone involved with printing.

Interestingly enough, there's no reference to the Council's reaction in the BBC article.

Here's what the Birmingham Post had to say.

Despite the gaffe, council officials have insisted the pamphlet - a second print run of the Recycle: Your Questions Answered - will not be recalled, pulped or reprinted.
The mistake was spotted by Jon Cooper when the leaflet was delivered to his Kings Norton home. The 37-year-old, who works for a Midland packaging firm, said: “I emailed the council last week, after the leaflet came through my door, to draw attention to their mistake.
“I work in the packaging industry and we have to check all our printed materials thoroughly, because if we don’t spot a mistake you can be sure Sainsbury’s or Tesco will, which is why I can’t believe nobody at the council noticed this before the leaflets were sent out.
“I’m a regular visitor to the States, so when I saw that image on the back of it I instantly knew that it was a US city, not Birmingham in the West Midlands, so I 'Googled' it and found it was an image of Birmingham, Alabama.”
Mr Cooper added: “I would have thought the city council would be a bit more bothered about the image that they put out of this Birmingham, especially if it’s going into hundreds of thousands of homes.
“I am sure this was a simple mistake by whoever was asked to find a picture of the city, but who is checking this stuff?”
A city council spokesman claimed there was "no point tinkering with it” and described the offending photo as “a generic skyline picture”.
He added: “The picture on the leaflet is meant to symbolically represent an urban area. Since its first publication last year, the leaflet has been well-received by residents, and is the most requested document to be produced by the Fleet and Waste Management Department.
“Feedback from households has been very positive - the leaflet has achieved its aim of informing citizens about the recycling options, both doorstep and other, that are available to them.
“On a total production run of 720,000 copies, the council has received just one query about the use of a generic skyline picture.”

I wonder if the council spokesman studied at the David Brent Management School. 'A generic skyline picture...meant to symbolically represent an urban area'. Yeah, right. So why not use a photo of Glasgow or Leeds? Or even, dare I suggest, Birmingham? Birmingham, England, that is.

I like the statement that the leaflet 'is the most requested document to be produced by the Fleet and Waste Management Department'. So exactly how many documents does the Department produce? I'm inclined to think that this may well be one of a small number. A very small number indeed.

A very small number such as one, for example.

Apparently, Marketing Birmingham, the agency charged with promoting the city nationally and overseas, declined to comment on the council's case of mistaken identity.

Can't imagine why.