Cold as a well-digger's

Looks like the temperature has bottomed out in Kansas City.

Most Texans are gay

Well that's what the Texas Republican Party is saying in its latest party platform.

In fact, it goes further than that.

It says that, as well as a behaviour shared by the majority of Texans, homosexuality 'has been ordained by God in the Bible' and recognised 'by our nations (sic) founders'.

The Republican Party of Texas

However, the next few sentences leave us in no doubt about the GOP's true beliefs.

School's out

Ontario High School is no doubt prouder of its 550 graduates than they are of their alma mater after it presented them with these classy diploma covers.

Photo: @jacedoooo_

Good reason to snicker

There can't be many people in the world who would confuse their nuts and penis.

Surprise, surprise

Nor before writing it seems.

Karma can be so cruel.

Weasel words

The Times has been a-changin' the spellin'.

As Jon C says, that budger cull has clearly been highly effective as we haven't seen a budger in ages.

If ever.

Of mice and men

'Good morning, Sir. Welcome to The Computer Doctors.

We'd love to get your machine working for you, but first we need you to provide a sample.'

Verisimilar university

The latest graduates of Texas Christian University must be so proud of their alma mater after reading the programme for their degree ceremony.

I mean, it's like a real university, but doesn't quite make it.

Roll up, roll up

Thanks to Zoe D for pointing me towards Walmart's version of rolling back its prices.