Wednesday, 30 May 2012

A for 'orses

One of my Dad's favourite double acts was Clapham And Dwyer.



Although we didn't have The Surrealist Alphabet on a 78 recording, it was one of theirs from the 1930s which Dad often quoted.

A for 'orses.
B for mutton.
C for th' Highlanders.
D for ential.
E for Adam.
F for vescence.
G for police.
H for respect.
I for Novello.
J for oranges.
K for ancis.
L for leather.
M for sis.
N for a dig.
O for the garden wall.
P for a penny.
Q for a song.
R for mo.
S for you.
T for two.
U for films.
V for La France.
W for a bob.
X for breakfast.
Y for Gawd's sake.
Z for breezes.

There are a number of alternatives which you might prefer as some of them bring the alphabet more up to date.

B for you go.
C for miles.
E for brick.
H for beauty.
I for an eye.
I for the engine.
I for or.
K for teria.
N for lope.
O for the rainbow.
P for a whistle.
Q for hours.
R for Askey.
S for Rantzen.
U for me.
U for mism.
W for quits.
Y for girlfriend.
Z for 'is 'at.

Monday, 28 May 2012

Crap performance

I know little about Ice Hockey and even less about its scoring system.

I did, however, go to a Sheffield Steelers match a few years ago. But I don't recall seeing anything like this.

According to his stats, it looks like Brad Richards spent just under 21 minutes on the ice but still had time to do two... well, you'll see.


Is that classed as offensive play?

Friday, 25 May 2012

Strictly no spelling zone

Jon C tells me that he found this Peterborough sign in a house window fronting the pavement.


Clearly it's aimed at people outside the house rather than inside.

So, is the house owner expecting all smokers who happen to be walking past to put out their cigs?

And how far out into the street does the owner expect the zone to extend?

If the sign is to be effective, perhaps the owner should mark out the area exackly.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

You get what you pay for

Thanks to Greg L for pointing this one out.

Not so much a typo. Unless you count the fact that the phone number can't be read.


But the irony is to be savoured.

Monday, 21 May 2012

Lord's goes to pieces

Snapped on BBC News just yesterday courtesy of Tom L and Sky Plus.



This shows it slightly more clearly.


It's supposed to say LORD'S as in the cricket ground but, instead, it says LORDǍ€™S.

It's certainly got me stumped.

Friday, 18 May 2012

The thong has a thank you

Spotted in New Jersey by a contributor to Apostrophe Abuse.

I don't know about you but the Thong's Thank You sounds like an unspeakable but edible part of an animal to me. Like the Parson's Nose.



But let's ignore the incorrect apostrophe, unnecessary capitals and misspelling for a second.

Surely that's what thongs are for.

Separating your buns.

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Monday, 14 May 2012

Scarlet, a hearer

I didn't see the original article. Only the apology.

Third paragraph.


Seems like a clear case of auto correct laziness.

Turning a so-called quality Sunday paper into no more than a casual Observer.

Friday, 11 May 2012

Chinese puzzle

Thanks again to Jon C who has been on his travels.

He spotted this sign in Peterborough outside a Chinese takeaway.


As he says, where do you start?

Well, let's deal with with the most obvious first.

Prices List

List of prices, yes. Prices list (or List with a capital L, even), no.

Unless it means that the prices lean one way from Monday to Wednesday and then another from Thursday to Sunday. If that's the case then it's quite clever.

A la Carté Buffet

Someone's obviously told them there should be an accent somewhere. Not there though. And I'm not very comfortable with the capitals either.

A mix of traditional and contemporary cuisine

Cuisines I think.

from the pacific RIM

Why the capitals? And where's the capital P for Pacific? Unless this RIM, whatever it may be, is actually peaceful in character.

&

There's plenty of room for the full word.

DIM-SUN

dim sum, surely. Unless the light from our life-giving orb is fading.

Also, two words, please. No hyphen necessary. And, again, why the capitals?

Now the name. Bento.

Meaning a Japanese lunch box, or, indeed, a Japanese lunch. Close to Chinese, but no cigar.

Finally, on a typographical note, the script typeface used for the words Imperial and Bento.

That's it. The one that's supposed to look like joined up writing.

It doesn't join up.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Car experts

I didn't question what Jon C was doing in a Premier Inn at King's Cross. I'm sure it was all entirely legal, decent, honest and truthful.

During his stay, the soap dispenser in the bathroom caught his eye and he wondered what use a car expert would be in there.


Here we go. Roll up. Take your pick. Add your own.

Repairing your big end.

Bleeding your nipples.

Welding your backbox.

Tightening your nuts.

Correcting your piston slap.

Boring you out.

Or wiping the lubrication off your dipstick.

Monday, 7 May 2012

1th Direction

Here's another of those date cock-ups which I found here.


Yeth. That'th ecthatly what it thayth on the t-thirt.

Friday, 4 May 2012

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Flying in the face of flyers

This contradiction was captured in Glasgow University library by Tom L.


The No Flyers flyer is a flyer.

The No Flyers flyer is stuck to shelves packed with flyers.

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