Typos, year in and year out

Perhaps all the other Diaries have been sold and Now there's only one Available.

Sorry, Avalible.

It's all Greek to me

Manchester City Council.

How can you justify using public funds to pay the type of person who can come up with something as shoddy as this?

Ge-ri, Ge-ri

Interesting to see Jeremy keeping in touch with his feminine side.

And with his Welsh ancestry.

Most Texans are gay

Well that's what the Texas Republican Party is saying in its latest party platform.

In fact, it goes further than that.

It says that, as well as a behaviour shared by the majority of Texans, homosexuality 'has been ordained by God in the Bible' and recognised 'by our nations (sic) founders'.

The Republican Party of Texas

However, the next few sentences leave us in no doubt about the GOP's true beliefs.

Bested

On a large billboard, the University of South Dakota proves it's the best.

The best at what, exactly?

Apparently, Tena Haraldson, Director of marketing communications and media relations for the university is quoted as saying, 'It happens.'

Though I suspect that's not quite what she said.

Caught martial

As Jon C points out, clearly an awareness of correct grammar isn't one of those traits.

As verified by some of the copy on the home page: 'Martial Arts Lessons for Childrens'

It's a gift

Jon C suggests that the BBC should take the advice of one of Harry Enfield's characters.

You don't wanna do it like that.

Hail the fail

You've surely noticed the increasing number of Uber taxis around our towns and cities.

But, as the BBC is inclined to say, other taxi services are available.

One of them, Hailo, is much smaller than Uber and is trying desperately to win market share, particularly in London.

Unfortunately, Hailo's campaign slogan 'London. We're all over it', due to one of those pesky apostrophe catastrophes, is already showing signs of defeatism.

Photo: Gwen Wark/Facebook

Nelson's columns

As tweeted by @socratic, an article in The Times about a documentary made by Peter Ustinov reported this little-known information about the former President of South Africa.

Be prepared

Thanks to Trev L for finding this at apostrophecatastrophes.com

Like a good Scout, you should always Be Prepared.

Just in case you turn up to work at Walmart and they ask you to produce a poster.

Liquid lunch

It doesn't say what type of establishment is being visited.

Presumably it's a hospital where you'd think they'd be able to bring about a coma.

Sorry. A comma.

At least Waldemar Łysiak should feel justified.

Laughing stock

The laugh's on Asda as Katy L discovers this t-shirt for sale in the George section.

As people of a certain age will already have said to themselves in Joyce Grenfell's voice,

'George, don't do that.'

Rambling sentence

We need to put a stop to this type of hunting.

And by that I mean a full stop.

Lyfting standards

I can understand it - just about - when people confuse your and you're.

(Just a reminder: It's the difference between knowing your sh-t and knowing you're sh-t.)

But what I, and Jon C I think, find particularly infuriating is the inconsistency shown by some people.

Shame, because Lyft seems like a really good idea.

Chorlton High School

There's a new banner outside Chortle Chorlton High School proclaiming the success of its students in Mathematics and, er, English.

Exposed by Saturday's Daily Mirror and sent in by Bev L.

Proud parent

You know what pride comes before, don't you?

Butt out

As the pot said to the kettle.

Go for the Burn

Whoever puts the Apple calendar together needs to go.

If not to the Job Centre then at least to a lesson on Scottish Literature.

Unless it's a painful reminder of the time they got too close to the scalding, gushing entrails at the crucial 'An' cut ye up wi' ready slicht' moment.

Access denied

We're all used to niche marketing these days.

But I can't help feeling that this particular target market is just a little too specific.

Perhaps the sign was pinned up by cleaning staff looking for an easier life.

Exercise books

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.

Ah yes. An excellent analogy.

And, you would think, a particularly apt slogan to put on the side of a mobile library, as reported in the Somerset County Gazette.

Robert Colledge

If only the people responsible had the ability to read themselves.

Robert Colledge