Wednesday, 31 December 2014

New Year's Resolution: Whats Your's?

Unfortunately, IQ pays little heed to grammar-bility.

Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Monday, 22 December 2014

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

Monday, 15 December 2014

T leaves

This could so easily have been a very special Christmas gift: a limited edition personalised tea caddy from Twinings.

But, as Tom L says, someone's rendered it pointless by going off with the T.


Flipping tea-leaf.

Friday, 12 December 2014

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Bub the Builder

Bub the Builder
Can we fix it?
Bub the Builder
Yes we can.


No, Bub. Sorry.

You didn't.

Monday, 8 December 2014

Bi-pass the test

I'm not sure whether I can pass the psychopath test on Facebook. I didn't try it.


But I do know one thing for certain.

I passed the Proofreader test.

Did you?

Friday, 5 December 2014

Clerical error

Greg L suggests that, when Irish Catholic Bishops agreed new guidelines to establish the idea of compelling priests accused of sex abuse to stand down from ministry, they could have done without this rather unhelpful newspaper headline.


Hmm. I'm sure they did.

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Where there's a Will

'Hi Will. It's Amy.
Listen, I'm not feeling too good today so do you think you could finish off the press release for the Air Ambulance news section, please?
You'll find the copy in that email I sent them.
Thanks a lot.
Probs see you tomoz.'


You meant well, Will, but try engaging brain before posting next time.

Oh, and Amy, not to put too fine a point on it, it's 'to', as in 'to which paper I send it'.

Not 'which paper I send it too' which means 'which paper I send it also'. Which is rubbish.

Probably just how you're feeling right now.

Hope you recover soon.

Monday, 1 December 2014

Mathematical puzzle

Here's another contribution from ElfOdin who can imagine the following scenario.

'Good Morning, students. The problem today is to work out why the number of hits on our web site is approaching zero.'

Friday, 28 November 2014

Ooh er, missus

No. Surely not.

Jon C must have thought he'd walked on to the set of a Carry On film when he spotted this car repair shop in Redwood City, CA.


Yes, you read it correctly. And, as way of proof of its existence, here's the web site which innocently carries no hint of irony.

Now, I appreciate and understand the need for garages to appeal to female car owners, but do Americans not get this? Is sniggering at the name just a UK thing?

Providing the clearest opportunity for double entendres that I've seen for a long time.

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Giving thanks

There's no need to give thanks this year because Thank itself is doing the giving.


Or maybe Thank owns a giving.

Either way, we're being warned in plenty of time.

Those dates correspond to Thanksgiving 2016.

Monday, 24 November 2014

Casting pearls

Flicking through LinkedIn the other day I came across this profile.

Call me old-fashioned, but it's not too long ago that attending University was something worth doing.


I'm surprised the word Education isn't in inverted commas.

OK, quotation marks.

As I said, I'm old-fashioned.

Friday, 21 November 2014

Taking action

You may get more than you bargained for when you steal from this shop.


Well, I suppose it's one way of collecting the fine.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Song Sung Ginger

Yes, he may well have sung, as we are wont to do, at the funeral of an old friend.

But there's no way on God's green earth that Ginger Baker can be described as a singer.


Here's the nearest he got.


Not exactly Ave Maria, is it?

Monday, 17 November 2014

Brooklyn: my kind of town

Ellie J stopped dead in her tracks at the weekend when she stumbled across this t-shirt for sale at Primark in Nottingham.

It has the word Brooklyn emblazoned across it, together with New York USA.


It also has a photograph taken in er, Lincoln Park, Chicago, nearly 800 miles away.

I've read that Primark has plans to open some shops in New York in 2015.

It'll be interesting to see exactly where they end up.

Friday, 14 November 2014

Milk snake

No.

Not this milk snake, Lampropeltis triangulum hondurensis, which originates from Central America and whose name derives from the myth that it drinks milk from grazing cows.


But this equally eye-catching one, found on the Tesco shelves in Terenure, Ireland.


I know which one I'd rather face.

After all, the milk snake is harmless to humans.

Unlike the packaging design which could scar you for life.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

BBC bucks trend

Are you, like Greg L, concerned that more and more Americanisms are creeping into the BBC's output?


For those of you who are hard of hearing...


Who knows? It may well be a sterling article.

Monday, 10 November 2014

Unspeakable date

Driving through Santa Clara CA, Jon C was just about able to capture this banner outside the Portuguese Hall of Santa Clara on Lafayette Street.


It's interesting, not least because the Sociedade Do Espirito Santo (the SES) is an organisation whose aim for nigh on 120 years has been to preserve and promote Portuguese culture.

But the sound th doesn't exist in the Portuguese language.

So not only is November 22th meaningless to all and sundry, it's also unpronounceable by the very people at whom the banner is directed.

Friday, 7 November 2014

Hard cash

Angie J was more than a little surprised the other day when she came across this ATM outside a new Tesco Express in Aberystwyth town centre offering Welsh speakers a degree of largesse not normally associated with bankers.

That's Bankers for those of you whose ears suddenly pricked up.


We've come to expect free cash withdrawals.

But free erections? Now that is big.

OK. It may serve to underline the somewhat diverse benefits to be enjoyed from a hole in the wall by certain of those who live among us.

But to ask a Welsh speaker to check a few words before going public?

Surely it's not that hard.

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Be wear

Thanks, Dennis A, for this one.

There's some debate about whether the caption is, in fact, intentional or a typo.


Either we are Number 1 in which case we're definitely not as far as apostrophe placement is concerned.

Or we were Number 1, in which case we might have been at one time but we're certainly not now.

Either way, it's not particularly good news for the UK.

As for the hoodie, where would we wear it?

Well, we're wearing it on the weir now but where were we when we were wearing it where we were then?

In the warehouse. Which, if there's any justice, is to where these were wares which we were wearing would wend their weary way.

Monday, 3 November 2014

Cereal con artist

Such a shame about Tesco recently, isn't it?

Shameful that the company hasn't been investigated before for fraud, theft and duplicity.


After all, the evidence has been clear for everyone to witness.

Friday, 31 October 2014

Penile reduction

Pendennis. It's one of the world's leading custom superyacht builders.

A global brand synonymous with quality, craftsmanship, exclusivity...

and willies.


As engineers you'd think they'd have seen that one coming.

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

The Hunter From The Future

Jon C has found yet another spelling to add to the perennial your and you're discussion.

By the way, you do remember how to remind yourself which one to use, don't you?

No? Try this...

Grammar: The difference between knowing your sh-t and knowing you're sh-t.


But Yor?

No.

Unless the blog is by this guy.

Monday, 27 October 2014

Online rag

Sad news indeed but the Mirror managed to muck it up.

Raggae artist?

I guess it's a sort of Desmond Dekker / Scott Joplin fusion.

Not sure how that might sound.

Friday, 24 October 2014

Brace yourselves

This College Professor might want to consider brushing up his handwriting.

Especially when advising dozens of students who would be, most likely, already clenching at the thought of a more conventional examination.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

British Airheads

How many times do we have to tell those ignorant London-based marketeers and publicists that Leeds, West Yorkshire and Leeds, Kent are not one and the same place?


You'd think that, in order to justify their undoubtedly fat salaries, they'd rely on more than a simple Google image search to furnish their 'research'.

For finding this one, my thanks go to Dennis A, from Leeds.

The city, not the village.

Monday, 20 October 2014

161 Years A Typo

I think this may well be one of the oldest typos I've seen.

It appeared in an 1853 edition of The New York Times and concerns the name of the man whose story was told in this year's Oscar-winning film 12 Years A Slave.


Not only does the newspaper spell his name differently within seconds, but also neither of the spellings is correct.

It's Solomon Northup. Just sayin'.

Friday, 17 October 2014

Swap shop

Parents! Unhappy with the gender of your child?

Call in and get it changed!


What's that you say? Oh, it's Kids Exchange?

OK, never mind the gender thing. Just swap the whole kid for another.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Still Game Day

Gameday... The Right Way is the 'fan conduct initiative' implemented by the San Diego Chargers American football team.

When it was introduced, Jim Steeg, the Chargers’ Executive Vice President & Chief Operating Officer said, 'All of the parties involved in our game-day experience have stepped up and will do whatever it takes to promote a positive environment and deal strongly with those few individuals who over-indulge.'

Damn. If only they'd got to the Banner Printer in time.


Hic!

And, if you missed the headline, this might help.

Monday, 13 October 2014

No, No, Nao

I don't follow so-called celebrities on Twitter but, luckily, I know people who do and I rely on those good people to point out their solecisms. Here's a good one from @annfirth.

It's Naomi Campbell attempting to congratulate the fabulous Malala Yousafzai on winning the Nobel Peace Prize last week. And failing miserably.


Close, Naomi, but no cigar. Not even a tobacco leaf.

Even more astounding was her attempt to explain her errors on Instagram.


Not good enough, Nomes. Probably best to stick to whatever it is you do.

And keep well away from writing.

Friday, 10 October 2014

Making it snappy

We have Jon C to accuse thank today for this photo which he took in the loo at Peterborough railway station. It's been quite some time since we visited Peterborough, the typo centre of the UK. I almost miss the place. Almost.

Anyway, I find it amusing that the cleaning staff make their hourly checks (the emphasis must be important) as couples which, with it being Peterborough, I guess must amount to double-Czechs.

But it's not so much the content that makes me laugh.


No. It's more the obvious camera shake.

Reflecting, as it does, the fact that Jon C was in a hurry to take the picture as he was terrified of being caught lurking in a toilet taking photographs. So he snapped it as quickly as he could.

In fact, he tells me his photo session was as quick as a flash.

And I have no reason to doubt his comparison.

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Stop right there

I sometimes wonder exactly what skills are required of a Road Surface Marker. (Is that the correct job title?)

Even if they can't read or spell you'd think that, after writing the same word so many times (they must do, mustn't they?) they'd have come to recognise the correct shapes falling in the correct order.


Especially when there's a massive clue standing right next to them.

Monday, 6 October 2014

Er... no

It's a while since I first came across this sign and I forgot to note where it was spotted.

Christchurch in New Zealand I seemed to remember.


For confirmation, I've just done the obvious thing and Googled 'Catherdral Square' Christchurch to find that there are over 700,000 results.

So, whoever's responsible for the error is clearly not alone and shouldn't feel too bad.

Haha!

I've just Googled 'Cathedral Square' Christchurch and there are only 400,000 results.

So who's wrong?

Friday, 3 October 2014

Time ferk offee

Thanks to Dennis A and Wendy R, among others, who sent in this photo of the back of a café in St Sepulchre Gate, Doncaster.

Photo: Ross Parry

What? You didn't think that...

You people!

It's a F*ck-in T.

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Dove tale

It's just occurred to me that it's been a while since we shopped at Tescon. Er, Tesco.

Hmph. Nothing has changed.


It's still lying and cheating its way into our wallets.

Monday, 29 September 2014

Twisting your words

It's time for something a little different today.

I include this not for its religious content which I neither support nor oppose, nor for its typos (I've spotted only one so far) but simply as an example of an interesting exercise with words.

Friday, 26 September 2014

Losing count

Not quite what you'd expect to find in Waitrose's window.


What's that you say? A disgruntled photographer taking the picture from that exact position? Or a disaffected employee placing the poster behind the pillar to create maximum negative impact?

Whoever's behind it, there are clearly more with the same idea.

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Instant carma

This parking sign comes courtesy of Greg L.

If you run an old banger, you might be quids dollars in with such a deal.


I guess that makes them well-heeled and towed.

Monday, 22 September 2014

Unstopable

Elf Odin opened up a can of worms by sending me the following photo after finding this product in the box bin at a Sam's Club.


Downy is a brand owned by Procter & Gamble so I checked the website and what did I find?

The same product, undoubtedly, which is marketed in the UK under the Lenor brand.

And spelt correctly.


So I went back to the website, this time the US version, and found this.


So, P&G, what we need to know, please, is why the two identical products are spelt differently and, as far as I'm concerned, incorrectly in the US.

Oh, and just one last point.

Despite scrutinising the web sites in the name of research, I still have no idea what this product is nor what it does.

Friday, 19 September 2014

No but yeah but no but yeah

Within the last few minutes, the result of the referendum on Scotland's independence has been confirmed.

It may well have been different if the optimistic Yes campaigners had been in charge of the count.

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