Say cheese

With the help of a cheery song for a holiday Monday.

It's plain, Jane

Goodness me.

It doesn't take much imagination to work out how Jane managed to earn that nickname.

When David met Dafydd

Sent in by Greg L whose friend captured this scene in Cardiff after the Wales v Israel international football match a couple of weeks ago.

'Remember, Bubala, what happens in Cardiff, stays in Cardiff.'

In Dublin's fair city

I could write about the consequences of Irish drunken revelry, about traditional dockland practices, and about sailors.

But, with a thank you to Dennis A and in deference to my Irish ancestry, together with a son who serves in the Royal Navy, I'm probably better off letting the photograph say it all.

Photo: @colmQcusack

No bad feelings

Today's photo of the entrance to the Old Kings Road 'English pub' in Santa Barbara, California by Tony R (that's his reflection in the window) arrives via Jon C.

Although I understand exactly what it means (I'm British), I'm also wondering how effective this sign could be.

I mean, if you, er, truly qualify, you're not going to walk up to the door, read the sign, and steal away, surely? That really would be taking matters into your own hand, as it were.

And the people whom it's really targeting (you know the type) won't recognise themselves as such in a million years.

It's short and to the point though. I'd be tempted to have a drink there.

Even if it was just to hold my own.

To Protect And To Serve With Relish

Dennis A tells me there's a town in Massachusetts called Sandwich.

Naturally, the town's police force is referred to as...

No doubt guarding against atrocious crimes such as this.

Twisting your words

It's time for something a little different today.

I include this not for its religious content which I neither support nor oppose, nor for its typos (I've spotted only one so far) but simply as an example of an interesting exercise with words.

No room at the inn

Really?

Yes, really.

No wonder there's no room.

YMCA

Today, just this which was doing the rounds on Facebook recently.

If nothing else, you'll find yourself humming it later today.

Sign language

In an effort to combat speeding traffic outside a school, a resident of Auburn, California put up this sign.

I'm not sure how effective it's been.

I mean, you might drive more slowly past the sign.

But only because you're looking at the sign. And not the road.

Bank Holiday fun

It's a Bank Holiday here in the UK and I feel like having a change from the usual.

The Washington Post runs an annual contest in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

Some winners, in no particular order, are:

Coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

Abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

Negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

Lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle, n. olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up on to the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.