Trumped

Before he and his catchphrases are lost and forgotten about forever, I thought I'd take this opportunity to remind ourselves of his visionary campaign slogan.

© Wallingford Sign

Prickly character

I guess that's what's making Doctor Hedgeh so edgy.

Phyllis Nan Sortain Pechey

Thanks to Greg L for sending in this advert from The Fabulous Bakin' Boys.

Though I'm not sure whether Major Johnnie would have approved.

Say cheese

With the help of a cheery song for a holiday Monday.

Born under a bad sign

I'm sure this isn't the window where you're expected to sign in.

No, it's as pointless as those other patronising - and potentially dangerous - 'safety' signs such as Baby On Board to which the only feasible retort is So F-ing What?

You think it'll stop people intentionally ramming your car?

Like obviously they otherwise would?

And, before you argue that the signs help the emergency services in the event of an accident, it's been shown that a) many accidents are caused by the restricted vision the signs offer and that b) the vast majority of drivers who display these signs don't remove them when the child is not on board, thus unnecessarily wasting the time of the emergency responders after an accident and often putting their lives at risk.

Rant over. Have a great day.

Different strokes

Ha! If only golf was half as interesting as this sounds.

In Dublin's fair city

I could write about the consequences of Irish drunken revelry, about traditional dockland practices, and about sailors.

But, with a thank you to Dennis A and in deference to my Irish ancestry, together with a son who serves in the Royal Navy, I'm probably better off letting the photograph say it all.

Photo: @colmQcusack

No bad feelings

Today's photo of the entrance to the Old Kings Road 'English pub' in Santa Barbara, California by Tony R (that's his reflection in the window) arrives via Jon C.

Although I understand exactly what it means (I'm British), I'm also wondering how effective this sign could be.

I mean, if you, er, truly qualify, you're not going to walk up to the door, read the sign, and steal away, surely? That really would be taking matters into your own hand, as it were.

And the people whom it's really targeting (you know the type) won't recognise themselves as such in a million years.

It's short and to the point though. I'd be tempted to have a drink there.

Even if it was just to hold my own.

Happy Buddah

Feeling esurient down the King's Road?

You might like to try this place to put you on.

Feeling corpulent down the King's Road?

You might like to try this place to put you off.

No room at the inn

Really?

Yes, really.

No wonder there's no room.

YMCA

Today, just this which was doing the rounds on Facebook recently.

If nothing else, you'll find yourself humming it later today.

Sign up

There's nothing quite like a long weekend in Portsmouth for blowing away the cobwebs, enjoying the sea air, walking on Southsea Common,

and spotting paradoxical signs.

Bank Holiday fun

It's a Bank Holiday here in the UK and I feel like having a change from the usual.

The Washington Post runs an annual contest in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

Some winners, in no particular order, are:

Coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

Abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

Negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

Lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle, n. olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up on to the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Pointless sign

Spotted on a café wall in Looe a couple of months ago.

Needless to say, everyone did.

Plane wrong

It's a bit of a tricky one, this.

I understand completely that three young Chinese girls died and over 180 people were injured in the recent Asiana Flight 214 crash at San Francisco International Airport. I wouldn't want this post to draw attention away from them or their families at such a painful time.

But the naivety of the Bay Area TV station, KTVU, beggars belief and deserves to be highlighted. Thanks to Jon C who sent it in.

The station received confirmation of the names of the four South Korean people who were in charge of the plane from an official at the National Transportation Safety Board.

Presumably the people at the station were only too keen to broadcast the scoop and clearly didn't look twice at the copy.

Never mind proofread it.

KTVU also failed to remember that the NTSB never reveals such information.

Later, a press release from the NTSB announced that the names had been confirmed by a summer intern who 'acted outside the scope of his authority when he erroneously confirmed the names of the flight crew on the aircraft'.

Idiot.

Still, KTVU fell for it, Huk Ly Nansinka.

Idiots.

End game

I don't know much about Baseball, but I do know that, with a name like Bartolo Colón, the Dominican pitcher for the Oakland Athletics is never going to be far from the headlines.

Poor guy. I suspect he's the butt of many a one-liner.

Bank Holiday Punday

Here we go again with another selection to enjoy on your day off.

I tried to catch some fog but I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.

Broken pencils are pointless.

Things I hate

Seen on Twitter the other week.

Errorists

I have to admit, this is a new one on me. But I like it.

As defined in the Urban Dictionary...

Errorist: A person who is deluded or simply stupid, making mistakes without the intention of ever acknowledging people's corrections. In fact, the common response to such corrections is often an outburst of utter ignorance, hence the play on the word terrorist. Someone who is potentially dangerous in society simply by being ignorant.

Remind you of anyone?

T-shirt analogy

Yet another from Dennis A who posted this on the My Typo Humour Facebook Page.

Thanks, Dennis.

I'll probably stick to just drinking in the pub I think.

Bottoms Up!