Cock au Van

Good for you, Phoebe.

I'm sure you'll be a great success offering little nibbles in the back of your van.

Lest we forget

Tesco continues to deceive its customers with its marketing shenanigans.

Chorlton High School

There's a new banner outside Chortle Chorlton High School proclaiming the success of its students in Mathematics and, er, English.

Exposed by Saturday's Daily Mirror and sent in by Bev L.

Short and stout

Posted on twitter by Tony White (@tony_white_) and sent in by Dennis A, it's a new tea room in Uxbridge.

Yes, it's supposed to be The Wonky Teapot Company.

Tony White

It can't be what it looks like. If nothing else, the spout's too flaccid.

That said, you won't catch me trying the cream teas there.

Proud parent

You know what pride comes before, don't you?

Butt out

As the pot said to the kettle.

Name that tuna

Another mouthful of Fanny, Vicar?

Pale pink flesh, smothered in oil. Very palatable.

Yes, it does taste a little fishy, now you mention it.

Do you think it might have been boned?

Parking lots

Jon C has long since departed these shores but he made a nostalgic trip back to Peterborough recently.

However, realising that little had changed, he didn't stop to park.

You can understand why.

Where to go and how much it would cost him remains a mystery to this day.

Fries with that?

This might help explain why obesity rates in the USA are among the highest in the world.

Bottomless Wales

Looks like the bottom has not just fallen out of the startup market in Wales.

It's actually, according to an email received by Trev L, completely bottomless.

ISSUE DATE: 30 January 2015
TODAY'S TOP STORIES
Only 45% of IT pros get value from UK cyber security initiatives
Scotland sees startup growth, but Wales lacks behind

Kyrzbekistan

Come on. Admit it.

Would you have known that this place didn't actually exist, especially if you'd read about it in the New York Times?

Tim Moorhead / Twitter

SMART objectives

When setting objectives, they should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound.

Anyone with even a little knowledge would normally be familiar with this mnemonic.

Unfortunately, as Greg L says, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.