Friday, 13 January 2012

Wire you contacting me, Paul?

From: "Paul King" <paul@wiredcontact.co.uk>

Date: 8 December 2011 13:46:20 GMT
Subject: Update

Update to what, exactly? I've never been in touch with you before and vice versa.

Hi

See? You don't even know my name. And not knowing it precludes you from being so familiar.

However, even though you can't be bothered to research your target customers, I always find out as much as I can about potential partners.

Paul King on LinkedIn

I realised we hadn't been in touch for ages and hope you are doing well and prospering.

As I said, we haven't been in touch before. Ever. So, not exactly a realisation on your part. More an indisputable fact.

And forgive my cynicism but I suspect that you want me to be prospering purely so you can profit from it.

Let's hope we do not get snowed in this year although we can all work from home now if needed, in fact from anywhere, have a look at this http:/demos.wiredcontact.com/ or call me.

Paul, please can we have some understanding of what sentences are and how important punctuation is? You're supposed to be communicating but what you're writing is just nonsense.

We can all work from home, can we? Are you sure? All of us?

What about Miners? Lumberjacks? Snowplough drivers even, since you brought up the subject?

Ah, I see. You mean tossers people like you, don't you.

Anyway, I did as you asked and clicked on the link. This is what came up...

Welcome to the WiredContact Enterprise Demo Site!
WiredContact Enterprise is one of the most powerful, yet easy to use web-based CRM's available today.
As you take your tour, please note the views, navigation, functionality and look and feel can be customized for your specific CRM needs.

A tad presumptuous of you, thinking I know what a CRM is. What I do know, however, is that the plural of CRM is CRMs.

Customized? No, no. Not in the UK.

Remember the saying "if you are not telling you are not selling" well it's probably never more true than now, so if you do not have a system that stores all of your suspects, prospects and customers and lets you email and write to them then perhaps we can help.

So, no chance of some proper punctuation and sentences then?

And wait a minute. Is this so-called saying written anywhere reputable? Or does it exist solely in one of your tired old PowerPoint presentations?

Also, I know what prospects and customers are. But suspects? Excuse me but my target market does not include criminals.

Finally, I take it that this message from you has been generated by your 'system'. Works well, doesn't it.

We provide browser based administration and marketing solutions that can help get that elusive cash in have a look here http://www.wiredcontact.co.uk/

I'm not going to tell you again about your lack of punctuation.

By 'help get that...cash in' I assume you mean cash for you. Because the best way of getting cash in, as far as my business is concerned, is to provide high quality, good value services and products that my customers enjoy, buy again and tell others about.

Let me know what's happening with you.

Er, right. I have a healthy order book. My customers are happy. There's more work on the horizon. And I'm pretty confident that I'll still be in business this time next year.

Oh, and I'm not planning on sending out badly written, clearly unchecked, emails to random people using a shotgun approach in the forlorn hope that one might hit some idiot who is witless enough to respond.

You?

Kind regards

Paul King
WiredContact
Web and Wireless Solutions for Contact Management

Phone: 0208 099 3032

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Well I would unsubscribe, but reading your messages provides me with so much entertainment.

Please keep 'em coming.

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