Had an accident?

Call 0800 800 8000 now and try explaining exactly how it happened.

Bush tucker

Jon C tells me that the owners of Super Pizza in Southend-on-Sea have been left with eggplant on their faces after offering a unique Vegetarian Deluxe Pizza.

© Martin Rose

I see it contains more than one.

So it's got to be at least an 18 incher.

Go for the Burn

Whoever puts the Apple calendar together needs to go.

If not to the Job Centre then at least to a lesson on Scottish Literature.

Unless it's a painful reminder of the time they got too close to the scalding, gushing entrails at the crucial 'An' cut ye up wi' ready slicht' moment.

Pardon my French

Sacré Bleu!

Perhaps it's a local delicacy.

Giving 120%

Forgive me for blowing my own trumpet but here is the result of a test I attempted on Facebook the other week.

17 out of 14.

That has to be a personal best.