Friday, 28 December 2012

Definotions

It's time for some definotions.

Definotion: A slight change in a word which provides a whole different idea for its meaning.

Cashtration: The act of buying a house which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arsehole.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund which lasts only until you realise it was your money to start with.


Karmageddon: When you witness the shit hitting the fan in an extreme way while acknowledging your own contribution to that event.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted in an impossibly high place.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you're running late.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Decafalon: The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dope-ler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance you perform when you accidentally walk into a spider's web.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a bluebottle that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor: The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

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